Doukessa Konstania Komnene, a just, honest, kind, charitable, temperate… impaler?
Sup.
So, here’s how it’s gonna be. Believe it or not, Anatolios is a great believer in the Senate. Maybe because you guys don’t try to overthrow the emperor every decade or so and get thrown in jail instead, like the nobles do? Like my useless husband, the Doux of Crete.
Here’s some life advice: Don’t marry your cousins. I’ve made some huge mistakes in my life, you could say. Been pretty stressed out about it. But I’m loyal to our noble Empress Baby Komnene, of course. I mean, I’m not in the dungeon! That’s a pretty good start.
Anyway, Anatolios is such a great believer in the Senate that he knows it’s not his place to address you in person. Since, you know, he’s a lowborn eunuch? And eunuchs are gross? So he’s appointed me as his personal representative to the Senate. I’m a Doukessa, I’m a Komnenos, I was born in the purple because I’m super cool, people think I’m kind and honest, and I’ve only impaled a few people. And I’m a just woman, so believe me when I say that I’ll probably only impale any of you if you really piss me off.
Anatolios wants you to vote on two things. The first is just boring housekeeping shit, so let’s just get this out of the way quickly. Remember back in the day, when Dad dragged my stupid sister in here and had you guys ratify a flag design? And then in the Alexiad Iouliana went on and on about how that was really some kind of four dimensional chess mindgame to gauge the political opinions of the Senators based on what flag they liked? Well, that’s stupid, and Iouliana is stupid– my sister, I mean, Empress Iouliana is also stupid but can’t really help it because she’s a baby– and Anatolios has decided it’s high time the senatorial factions stop being vague cloak and dagger bullshit and become organized political parties, whose members we have on a helpful list so we know who to… uh… congratulate when things go really well? Yeah, sure.
OOC: This will determine the general mood and goals of the Senate, and how I characterize it in updates between votes. If you want to roleplay as a Senator or whatever when you post, feel free to switch parties later on (or join one if you missed this vote, or what have you), but it won’t actually affect anything until I have another vote like this.
For now, anyway. Depending on the course of history, the Senatorial parties may or may not become more organized or more powerful. First, though, try not to get impaled.
There’s the Old Romans, who like aquilas and Latin and putting SPQR over everything. Sometimes they are seen staring at maps of Italy and sighing wistfully.
Then there’s the New Byzantines. They like building things, an imperial expansion fueled by 12th century strategic interests rather than nostalgia for the Five Good Emperors, and a more formalized role for the Senate in the state, and hate nobles and the Old Romans.
The Milvians like the Orthodox Church and hate the Saimids and Catholics even more than the rest of the factions. Sometimes they are also seen staring at maps of Italy and sighing wistfully, but for slightly different reasons than the Old Romans.
The Komnenians like getting lots of money for rubber stamping whatever the emperor or empress wants to do. Being a Senator is enough of a hassle without being responsible for stuff! They probably have the best parties out of everyone in the Senate.
[7/16 note: voting instructions omitted. this vote happened two years ago. :V ]
Wow, that sure was a bunch of stupid bullshit nobody cares about!
I mean, my husband’s the Doux of Crete, I’ve spent a lot of time down there, so I feel pretty qualified to say all of that is a bunch of Crete bullshit. You know what happened to the ancient Cretans? They all fucking died.
And we’re all going to fucking die if we don’t decide on what to do about the fact that the Saimids are fucking invading us? And the crown is still in debt? And like half the army died fighting the other half in a bunch of stupid civil wars for morons? I mean, I have the numbers written down somewhere… let me see.
Oh wow, we still have like 13,000 dudes! That’s pretty good. That’s about the size of the Bulgarian army that owned us, right? Now, where’d I put the latest intelligence Anatolios had on the Saimids…
As you can see, 27,481 and 13,205 have the same number of digits, so I think these odds are pretty even and we should fight this one out. But Anatolios is calling the shots, and he’s called the shot that you idiots are calling the shot. So, what do we do about the Saimids?
OOC:
Here are your three options:
A: Discretion is the Better Part of Valor. Perplexingly, the Saimids are only demanding the single province highlighted in the wardec screenshot from the update. Probably their goal is to just kill enough of our army to keep us weak for the foreseeable future. To the extent that AI can have goals like that, anyway. It’s possible I’m anthropomorphizing it a bit here. If we just surrender immediately and fork over the province without spilling any blood, we can hopefully be in a better position whenever the truce expires.
B: Fight to the Last Man. We’ll never roll over for those Saimid dogs! They should roll over! They’re the dogs in this analogy! Will we let that cowardly eunuch Anatolios hand over Roman territory to infidel Turks? Why not just dig up Suleyman’s skeleton and crown him Sultan of Rum at the Hagia Sophia? The last war with the Turks ended with the surrender of “just one province” too! Is the empire to die a death of a thousand cuts? Anyway, Konstantia thinks we have a shot. If this option wins, I’ll keep on fighting until I’m at -100% warscore and the game forces me to surrender. Or, you know, until we win. It could happen!
C: Honor Must Be Satisfied. We can’t just surrender without a fight, but maybe if we’re smart we can put up enough of a fight to satisfy honor without committing national suicide. If the war shapes up to look unwinnable, we can always make the decision to surrender then. Assuming there’s enough time to do so in between the bit where the war looks unwinnable and the part where we commit national suicide. If we’re clever, we can outmaneuver the superior Saimid forces and win some battles. That’s how Bulgaria beat us, anyway. Cons: I am not very good at doing that; that’s how Bulgaria beat us. Could easily just turn out to be the same as option B if our main army is caught by a Saimid wave of death emerging from the fog of war.
The original votes and debate for this senate session can be found here. Highlights:
Ofaloaf posted:
New Byzantines for nowA, surrendering that shit would be the most prudent option. A war is likely to deplete our manpower no matter how careful we are, and we are beset on all side by enemies. Speaking of which…
The neighboring Orthodox states suck and the schism is still fresh and can be plastered over. Most of the rest of Christendom listens to the Bishop of Rome. When we can, we should give up our petty dispute and just roll with the Pope. That way we are far more likely to win sympathy and support from the Latins, and can probably get military aid from them next time this sort of thing happens. Call me a lover of Franks or whatever you want, but it would be a great way to strengthen our diplomatic bonds with the rest of Europe.
Jazerus posted:
Old RomansWe must always be mindful of the examples of the old emperors, despite their lack of faith in Christ. Though Trajan has always and will always be known as the optimus princeps, Hadrian rightfully realized the impossibility and, indeed, foolishness of attachment to recent territorial conquests; the welfare of the Empire as a whole must always be placed above vain glory. We must follow in his footsteps and Abandon our foothold in Armenia for now, so that we may fall upon the Saimids like a hammer upon an anvil at the opportune moment.
I have also submitted a petition to restore the Altar of Victory to its rightful place in our House, so that we may regain the favor of God; while the old Altar was ostensibly a pagan artifact, can it truly be said that we have prospered without it? Is not the decline of our great Empire related directly to the abandonment of our praise of God’s support for our victories?
Ofaloaf posted:
Such heathen words should not be tolerated! You willingly overlook the reign of Justinian and centuries of our history when you claim that our decline began when we embraced the teachings of Christ! No, we stood strong and tall for many years while holding aloft the Chi Rho. Rome was ours well into the reign of the Isaurians.
No, our true decline began when we turned our backs on Rome- not Old Rome, not some idealized vision of a man in a bedsheet with some leafs stuck in his hair- but the Bishop of Rome and Vicar of Christ. The Schism has done nothing but weaken us diplomatically and hobble our efforts to secure foreign support in anything. Imagine if we had followed the Church of Rome before this war began! Why, by now the lords of Germany, France and Italy would have been falling over themselves to help us!
Sleep of Bronze posted:
The roleplayers’ roleplaying leaves much to be desired. English? Bah!
My apologies for my accent, for this being in classical Greek instead of whatever form was correct for Byzantine senators and for the fact that even my classical Greek composition is pretty poor so this is probably riddled with mistakes.
οὖν, νῦν, συνηγορέω Τοῖς Νέοις Βυζαντινοις.
ALet the necessities of war dictate our actions, O Senators, O Roman people. I do not hold to a petty ideology; I say only that our Empire must stand strong. If Italy and Rome are weak, if their conquest would make us great, let us seize them. But! If the Saimids are a threat – and they are! – let us weaken their power until they are one no longer. If we judge that they are too mighty, then we shall bide our time until an opportunity arrives and they can be cast down.
So, for now, I stand with the new Byzantines.
Luhood posted:
Thoros II Qutuzid of the New ByzantinesFriends, Romans. My heritage may stem from the very Turks who now seek to invade us once more, but my family and I know the power of the Sultan is waning. Look at the very Saimids who now seek to invade us! They overthrew their predecessors by force now long ago, just like their predecessor overthrew theirs, and just like their successors shall come to overthrow them in kind. The Turkish Sword is one built on conquest and violence, the right of the strong. Without it they attack each other like wild beasts. The Saimids are only a threat till their successors rise up, and we only need to last till then. That is why me and my family abandoned the faith of our Turkish brothers in the east and instead chose to follow the Roman Pentarchy of Constantinople, and the Basilissa.
Let us C to our defences and bolster our forces. The might of the Sultan is fleeting, and when that time comes more of my cultural brethren will make their ways here to join the superior might of the Basilissa. Let us show the Saimids the might of the true Lady of Anatolia, Basilissa Iouliana
DivineCoffeeBinge posted:
[…]
Old Romans: 15
Thanqol
Jazerus
mcclay
DivineCoffeeBinge
Sky Shadowing
EightDeer
StrifeHira
Flesnolk
NewMars
Ubern00b
Horsebanger
Mortuus
Grim reaper
Jihad Joe
Gnooble
New Byzantines: 26
Rogue0071
Pyroi
Ofaloaf
DentedLamp
Gygaxian
Clayren
zephyr42
Caustic Soda
HenessyHero
RabidWeasel
Sleep of Bronze
ChrisAsmadi
Meinberg
TheMcD
sheep-dodger
Luhood
Aeromancia
Blackunknown
Rejected Fate
Technowolf
Frozen_flame
cokerpilot
Syce300
Ezo45
Jimmy4400nav
Mirdini
Milvians: 6
Sindai
JT Jag
occipitallobe
LordGugs
AJ_Impy
YF-23
Komnenians: 6
Patter Song
Lord Windy
Muskatnuss
ZearothK
Ghetto Prince
Duckbag
A: 34
Sindai, Rogue0071, Pyroi, Ofaloaf, Jazerus, JT Jag, DivineCoffeeBinge, Gygaxian, Clayren, Sky Shadowing, EightDeer, zephyr42, Lord Windy, Caustic Soda, StrifeHira, RabidWeasel, Sleep of Bronze, NewMars, ChrisAsmadi, TheMcD, Muskatnuss, Blackunknown, Rejected Fate, ZearothK, Frozen_flame, Ghetto Prince, cokerpilot, Horsebanger, Ezo45, Jimmy4400nav, Mirdini, Grim reaper, Jihad Joe, Gnooble
B: 5
Thanqol, LordGugs, Ubern00b, Mortuus, Duckbag
C: 14
mcclay, occipitallobe, Patter Song, DentedLamp, HenessyHero, Flesnolk, Meinberg, sheep-dodger, Luhood, AJ_Impy, YF-23, Aeromancia, Technowolf, Syce300
We will surrender to the Saimids. The New Byzantines are ascendant.