Um, hello!

I think it’d be really nice to find out what’s on everyone’s mind! The ministries my great grandmother Iouliana put in place worked out pretty swell, I gotta say, but there’s a lot of new faces in the Senate and I want to know what you all have to say!

Apparently you’ve all been cooped up in the stuffy old Senate House for a while now, though, so before you decide what to vote for, let’s take a world tour!

What? Oh, no, you definitely can’t actually leave. We’ll be exploring the world with the power of MAPS! Also, our imaginations.

This is Constantinople! And, if you look around the Bosphorus, you can see Belgorod tradeposts all over the place! They make us a lot of money in taxes when they aren’t having conniptions and revolting. You can also see the standing army the New Byzantines have been working so hard on! (They aren’t that big in real life.)

And here’s the Roman Empire! Greeks and Turks, Serbs and Bulgars, Pechenegs and Cumans and everyone else, all one happy family… of Romans! There’s even some Catholics. Like Grandma. Maybe Dad would have been less weird if they’d just left her in charge.

Right next door is Cilicia, ruled by Armenia Miaphysites. I’m not really sure why the Turks never conquered it, so good for them!

Here’s the Turkish Empire! Wow, looks like the Seljuks are holding onto it. Observe how for once it’s not in a massive civil war for once! Note well that the Black Chamber gotten around to killing Sultan Iskender! I’m told they’re working on it. All looks well, but… why… what’s that down south?

The Shia Caliph of Egypt’s after the Sultan’s crown! Looks like he’s winning, too. (OOC Note, July 2016 I had misread “Petra” as “Persia”– the caliph actually just wanted a bit of Seljuk territory, not the whole thing.)

The Caliph’s Banu Fatimyyun Sultanate’s so darn big we can’t even really fit it on the map! You might need a magnifying glass to see it all. Sorry!

Iberia’s kind of a mess, huh! You’ve got the Taminid Sultanate down south, the kingdom of León in the northwest, two Portugals, a bit of France that spilled over the Pyrenees, and, in the west…

The banu Barghawati Sultanate! But let’s just call it Mauritania, since that’s Sultan Khalid banu Barghawati’s primary title, you know.

Elective monarchy hasn’t worked out so great for France, I don’t think! Maybe they should have stuck with the Capets. They’re not having a civil war, by the way. Just a regular war. So their borders actually look like that. I know, I was surprised too!

The Normans have hung onto England, although they’ve lost most of Normandy. So really it’d probably be better to call them “the English”. And the de Normandies are toast— William the Conquerer’s descendants all murdered one another, and the FitzAdelisas have held the throne for decades.

They’re also Waldensians! They do all sorts of stuff the Pope doesn’t like, like vows of poverty and universal priesthood and preaching the gospel in vulgar tongues. Whatever! It’s all Greek to me. I think the King just wanted to become a heretic so he could declare a holy war on France to kick them out of Cornwall.

So, if you were an Irish Catholic queen who ruled 2/3 of Ireland what would you call your country? I think I would call it “Ireland”. But Wales is fine too!

Fortunately, the Scottish kingdom is still helpfully known as “Scotland”. They’re Catholic, too. Watch out, England!

Then there’s the Holy Roman Empire! Wow, it’s been a rough century since Henry IV kicked the bucket, huh? I mean, they aren’t having a civil war in that map, either. Is that Hungary ruling Lorraine for some reason? Gosh.

While we’re talking about Henry IV, there’s a whole bunch of Catholic Komnenoi descended from his daughter Agnes Salian and Prince Nikephoros Komnenos. We’re the Dukes of Franconia! But Euphraxia forgot to marry matrilineally so that’s the end of that.

This guy’s the Grandmaster of the Knights Templar! How’d that happen?

And even though I’m pretty sure “Acfred” isn’t actually a name, Acfred Komnenos is the Duke of Calabria in the Kingdom of Sicily! Hey, nice job, dude!

Sicily’s done pretty well for itself. Marçau the Wise is actually descended from Duchess Matilda de Hauteville! Remember that bit from the Alexiad were Alexios allied with her and we saved her duchy and then like three Sicilians armed with sticks helped us in the next war! Well, things are better there. The de Hautevilles married in the de Toulouses there, though, so that’s it for the de Hauteville name.

Also of note: The Genoans, who are still directly administering the remnants of their Holy Land territories right from Italy instead of spinning it off onto some younger son nobody likes! Seems like a bad idea to me, but they’ve lasted longer than the last Kingdom of Jerusalem.

Poland’s been doing pretty well now that HRE plans to eat them have mostly fallen through. Their queen is a cool old lady!

Meanwhile, there’s a big kingdom in Lithuania now! They’re pagans, but not the cool kind of pagan the Old Romans pretend not to like but secretly do anyway, so I guess they’re bad news.

Kiev is pretty much the only other Orthodox country worth talking about left in the entire world besides us! Since I just finished destroying Bulgaria forever, right? They’d make pretty good allies, but don’t think I didn’t see that little bite you took out of the Pecheneg Despotate when they were revolting against us, guys!

To the south of Kiev lurks Khan Törtogul of “Crimea”. To the west, you’ll see that the entirety of Crimea is actually part of the Roman Empire. You’re not fooling anyone, Törty!

Southwest of Kiev, the Rurikovich’s Catholic cousins they don’t like to talk about in the old country are kings of Hungary! They’re our neighbors, too, but thanks to the giant mountains surrounding their border they’re quite ones who hardly ever play music too loud or have a war.

Then there’s Croatia. They were being beat up by the Bulgarian Empire left and right for a while— then Iouliana destroyed the Bulgarian Imperial Army and they managed to grabs the bits of the empire we didn’t grab first. And like half of Duklja while they were at it. Ragusa’s still ours, though, so take that, I guess.

Iceland’s a republic! They like to talk about how old their Althingi is. Whatever, guys, our Senate’s been around since 753 BC! If I were picking somewhere to set up a merchant republic, I probably would not pick “a desolate volcanic island in the middle of the ocean hundreds of miles away from all the rest of Christendom”.

They’re giving Gotland a run for its money in the North Sea trade, though. Never say never!

Norway is the giant of Scandinavia. They’ve eaten Denmark, and now they’re fighting wars against the entire Holy Roman Empire since they want that one bit of Norway the HRE stole back, I guess. I wouldn’t be surprised if they won since the HRE’s been such a hot mess.

I’m pretty sure Sweden’s just gonna keep expanding North until they run of pagans to fight. It’s like a mini-Kiev!

Songhai dominates West Africa. I don’t think all those little pagan countries between them and Mauritania are gonna last too long, guys!

In East Africa, there’s two major powers. First up is Nubia! For some reason the map doesn’t have their real flag, though, so if somebody could come up with a new one real quick that’d be swell. Anyway they’re a Jewish kingdom, and they’ve been steadily expanding for the past century or so! Right now they’re losing a war to their rivals in Somalia, though.

Somalia is a merchant republic, so I guess you can call it the Iceland of Africa.

They have a stranglehold on Middle Eastern trade— except for the Holy Land, which is still being run by the Genoese.

Here’s a trade map of the world. Byzantine trade is dominated by Belgorod, Crimea (the good one in Actual Crimea that’s our vassal), Venice, and a few Genoese bits here and there. Good thing we set up the Pechenegs and Cumans with their own trade Republics or else probably it’d be all Italians and we wouldn’t get to skim off outrageous taxes!

Here’s a map of the peoples of Europe. Not too much that’s surprising here, although I would have thought there’d be some Portuguese people in at least one of the two Portugals.

And there’s their religions. Nothing too surprising here, either– the Baltic faith has done pretty well since Lithuania’s been expanding, and the English aren’t really converting to Waldensianism in droves yet. Other than that things pretty much look like you’d think they would!

VOTING

Okay, got all that? I’m about to let you guys vote on the policy direction of the Roman Empire, and I want you to make an informed decision. Dad made me study a lot to become empress!

Now, there’s no real crisis going on right now, so there’s no make or break decision like when we decided if we’d die horribly fighting the Seljuks for a province we didn’t even need or instead kick off the Ioulian Golden Age. Good thing you guys were on the ball for that one, huh?

So, for now, you’re just going to vote on the general political direction you want the empire to take!

I personally support the Old Romans. Wouldn’t it be grand to be an empire like the one we’ve read about all our lives? They want like half the same stuff the New Byzantines want, anyway— a standing army, legal reforms, new construction projects, every doux’s head on a pike, etc.

Then again, the New Byzantines got a lot done during Iouliana’s reign— and held it together during all the horrible things that happened afterwars! Give yourselves a hand, New Byzantines! So these guys are a-ok with me.

My dad liked the Milvians and I’m pretty sure if he hadn’t had died he would have stuffed the Senate with a bunch of eparchs. I think it’s just a bunch of boring church stuff. Maybe you don’t agree, though!

The Komnenians always liked us. I’d like them to support our regime by doing some work for a change, but at least they’re very well-behaved.

Then there’s the Fraternalists! They’re brand new, so I’m not really sure what they want? They seem to really hate douxes. But everyone hates douxes. More merchant republics? Well, OK, but Belgorod seems to revolt just as much as the douxes do! They’re just more likely to pay their taxes on time the rest of the time.

The New Marians can’t agree on their Latin grammar, but they can agree that we need a standing army! Just like half the other parties! Just like the New Byzantines have been doing for decades! They’re actually a cross-faction interest group (see: that bit about the other parties) I guess, but you can vote for them if you want to prioritize the army even more than it’s already being prioritized.

Then there’s the True Religion’s Advocates In Time Of Rebellion & Strife. They think we should devote ourselves to ending the schism now that we’re done destroying one of three Orthodox nations left in the world. By… converting to Catholicism? I want to stick it to Dad, too, but isn’t that a bit… extreme? I mean, if you guys win an election, I’ll see what I can do, but… hm.

OOC: If these guys somehow manage to win, I will try to have a Catholic tutor my heir as soon as possible. This will probably destroy either the Orthodox Church (apparently in PB Orthodoxy can become a Catholic heresy in conditions that I’ve heard are probably way too easy to get?) or the Byzantine Empire in general. It’s like a fun coin flip! One time like two expansions ago I managed to flip England from Catholic to Orthodox and back to Catholic once without too many problems, anyway!

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Talky posted:

All this talk about the character and faith of our peoples has come so close to the answer we so desperately need, yet narrowly misses it each time. Our hubris has blinded us, and I can no longer watch glorious Rome rot simply because we refuse to tear this veil of pride from our eyes!It is the worst sort of arrogance and ignorance to assume that we will always be the chosen people of God, that we have always understood his commands.

Clearly, Rome has long been among God’s favored peoples. Even in the classical era, when we worshiped the pagan idols, God guided Rome as we swept the world and reshaped it in our image. God also favored the Israelites and from among them chose a number of prophets!

In time, however, God sent us a new Prophet! God revealed to Jesus a more perfect version of his truth, and through it we learned much about the glory and love of God. Bu did the Romans and the Israelites embrace him immediately? Were was mankind’s obedience to God immediate and flawless? No! We erred! The Romans crucified God’s messenger and persecuted his followers! It took a great deal of time and the example of martyrs for Rome to come to see the light of God. But when we did, God’s favor fell on us all the more, and we spread the teaching of Jesus around the known world.

Alas, we have clearly fallen from His Grace, but remain to enamored by our past glories to see it! The Church has fallen, splintered into squabbling factions. Where are we to turn for guidance? The Pope, whose decadence and corruption knows no bounds? The Ecumenical Patriarch, the last remaining relic of a broken and nearly extinct faith, who’s only theological response to our crisis is paralysis? The Western Empire is only a memory, consumed by hordes of squabbling noble, who in truth worship nothing but their own greed, and our own Douxes threaten to do the same to us! Shall we turn to the Merchants, who of their own admission worship only the gold in their purses? God’s guiding light has faded, and the once unified Roman peoples degenerate into a hundred petty tribes! Where once we were Roman we are now “French,” “Italian,” “English,” “German!” The Holy Land has slipped from Christian hands, and all the arms of Christendom have only been able to secure fleeting victories, soon lost once more! For all our recent glory, we remain squatters in the ruins of our former accomplishments, fighting to survive. Our greatest military accomplishments have been against the pagans of the Steppe; against the Turks we have been saved only by trickery and assassination, the tools of Satan!

Where, then, has God’s light gone? Who has stepped in to reshape the world in their image, in the image of God? None other then The Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him! With God’s grace the Muslims have swept over the world. Our only gains against them have been by taking advantage of the decadent and fratricidal Turks. Even still, God, more properly called Allah, has not seen fit to restore those lands to us!

“But Rome is Chrisitan!,” you shout ,covering your ears and eyes. I ask you, was Rome always thus? Was there not a Rome before Jesus? Did we not at first reject His messenger, even torment and kill him? Is it so inconceivable that Allah has sent a new, more perfect revelation of His truth? Is it so inconceivable that we have failed to heed it? “No,” I say!

Only when we embrace Islam, Allah’s most perfect revelation, shall we reclaim His favor and our glory! The Empress should immediately convert, and use the powers of title revocation to remove those Doux who will not do the same! Praise be to Allah! Praise be to Rome!

Vote for Guiding Light

Blackunknown posted:

What we need is a party that see to that what is most important to the empire, gold and expansion, both is what we have here in the Black Sea, we need to bring Roman Civilization to the nomads to the north and push all merchant republics that are not our own out of Roman land then replace them with our own. This party is a alliance of the interests of both the Steppe people and the Merchant Republics. Rome may be destined to rule the world, but gold is destined to rule Rome.

Vote for Steppes and Republics

(Thanks to Talky for the icon.)

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Old Romans
Flesnolk
Ubern00b
DivineCoffeeBinge
NewMars
AdventFalls
Jazerus
ChaosSamusX
mcclay
Skyfinder
Frionnel
EightDeer
Gnooble
Bro Dad
Jihad Joe
Raserys
Horsebanger
MinistryofLard
Mortuus
GenHavoc
j00rBuDdY
StrifeHira
Thanqol
LoonShia
Total: 23

New Byzantines
ChrisAsmadi
TheMcD
cokerpilot
Aeromancia
Lynneth
Meinberg
sheep-dodger
Rogue0071
Technowolf
Sleep of Bronze <— New Byzantine MVP btw
Pyroi
Clayren
Frozen_flame
OddObserver
HenessyHero
Gygaxian
beefart
Luhood
Hutter
Ezo45
D3m3
Ratoslov
Arbitrary Coin
Mirdini
BwenGun
Total: 25

Milvians
YF-23
AJ_Impy
Lord Cyrahzax
Sindai
WilliamAnderson
Unwise_Cashew
LordGugs
pospysyl
theblastlizard
Total: 9

Komnenians
Lord Windy
JT Lag
DeceitfulPenguin
Ghetto Prince
Capfalcon
Muskatnuss
Patter Song
Capfalcon
Duckbag
Total: 9

Fraternalists
Rejected Fate
Jimmy4400nav
DentedLamp
Sinner Sandwich
Total: 4

True Religion’s Advocates In Time Of Rebellion & Strife
Tevery Best
lenoon
redingaccount
Ofaloaf
GrabbinPeels
forkis
aqu
Total: 7

Iconoclasts
Kellsterik
Total: 1

Guiding Light
Talky
Sampatrick
Total: 2

Steppes and Republics
Blackunknown
Total: 1

New Marians
Ubern00b
Ratoslov
NewMars
Pyroi
Jimmy4400nav
Total: 5

Expansionist Coalition
AJ_Impy
Frontspac
Total: 2

Oh! Looks like the New Byzantines have held on by a hair! Well, that’s fine by me. Can’t go wrong with the party of Iouliana!
However! They only won by a single vote! A Senate divided! And that might make for some really exciting oratory and rhetoric.
But wouldn’t it be nice if we all just got along? I think it would be.
And so, by imperial decree, I hereby order the New Byzantines to work together with the Old Romans. I’m sure that’ll work out just fine and have absolutely no negative consequences.
Now, we’re about to go to war with the Seljuks! Since it’s not every day half their army is busy being wiped out by the Egyptians on the other side of the empire from us! That’s non-negotiable!
But after that? The world’s our oyster!
And so, for the New Byzantines and Old Romans only:
I will accept three directives from the Senate which I will follow to the best of my abilities! I guess it’s possible you could ask me to do something literally impossible with respect to the laws of the universe! There are a lot of strange and arbitrary rules to the world we inhabit. I won’t warn you if you do something like that, though. You’ll just waste one of your three directives!
Also! Since everyone’s so obsessed with it! I’m already building up our standing army as fast as I can! You can tell me to hurry up, I guess, but it won’t really change anything.
But anyway! The real point of this little exercise is the power of teamwork. So any directive put forward by a New Byzantine must be seconded by two Old Romans! Any directive proposed by an Old Roman must be seconded by two New Byzantines!
First three proposals to meet these conditions become binding! Well, as binding as possible. I am your empress.

edit: Well, NBs won by two votes but whatever.

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Thanks for that!

The next session will use different rules (rules which have an aim beyond Empress Euprosyne trolling the New Byzantines and New Romans, so all parties will be able to participate), but since one of the top four laws is just a general directive and not a specific thing, by Imperial Fiat I declare that both tied proposals will be passed, for four total laws:

Roman East Directive: Seize Antioch and restore the Pentarch
Use Caution, Empress: The Empress will avoid wars she deems unwinnable in pursuit of these Senate policies.
Anatolia-so Directive: Conquer all Turkish holdings in central Anatolia; banish the hated Seljuk Snake from our beautiful borders
Venetian Offensive: Vassalize Venice. It’s just one county, how hard could it be?