PART FOURTEEN: Janus (1212-1231)
To the Senate—
I’m so happy! I have to admit, I wasn’t sure if all you Old Byzantines and New Romans could work together, but here we are! A whole slate of useful legislation that can guide the empire for years to come!
Unfortunately, right now Venice is a bit beyond what we can plausibly claim is ours, since in these barbarous times we still need to have really good reasons to go to war, rather than everyone just falling over themselves to swear fealty to Rome. So we’ll need to work our way up the Adriatic until we can get the ball rolling on that.
But the Seljuks are busy fighting the Shia Caliphate in some stupid war over Petra, so we can get right to reclaiming central Anatolia! Odd that we’re only allowed to claim it bit by bit when it’s clearly all ours by right, but what can you do? When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you a plausible casus belli to reclaim the theme of Paphlagonia… well, you know!
To the Black Chamber—
As suspected, Old Roman and New Byzantine political differences will cancel one another out in favor of a combined program agreeable to us; continued centralization of administration at the expense of the nobility, aggressive expansion, and more sophisticated military organization. The two faces of Janus can be induced to gaze in the same direction.
We could have claimed more Turkish territory, but the Senate’s insistence on prioritizing Anatolia (and Antioch) ties our hands.
In general, though, arrangement very favorable. Agents advised to keep an eye on parties out of favor, however. Not Guiding Light, True Religion’s Advocates, etc.— they are useful focal points for malcontents to gather. Rather, the Milvians— the Church represents only viable alternative power structure to imperial administration— and the Komnenians. The Komnenians are loyal to the House of Komnenos above all else. This is different from being loyal to the person of the Empress. Remember what happened to Iouliana the Great.
To the Senate—
Hi! The Varangian Guard’s been ordered into action! I support the troops, of course, but some of them aren’t super thrilled about going East? Not really sure why, since the Caliph’s already helpfully pre-killed the Seljuks for us. What a cool guy!
Anyway, I’ve killed ’em. Well, ordered them killed. It’d be gross if I did that stuff myself, right? We’re civilized people who don’t just wave around axes in Constantinople and expect to get away with it, y’know?
I’d like to think those Varangians who just got beheaded realized that. I read somewhere that your head stays alive for a little bit after it gets cut off— you can still blink and see and think before you bleed out.
Isn’t that interesting?
To the Black Chamber—
Don’t let the Varangians far enough off the leash for this to happen again. Mean it.
To the Senate—
I’ve just gotten a letter from General Leontios! It is lovely in the holy land, although of course operating so far away from the empire is taking its toll. Still, we can’t win this war unless we find some Seljuks the Egyptians haven’t already beaten and beat them ourselves!
Hopefully, this won’t be the last time our troops swing by Jerusalem. If you know what I mean, ha ha!
To the Senate—
1215’s shaping up to be a pretty good year! We’ve found the remnants of the Seljuk army! Here’s what the battle would have looked like! (Painting not to scale)
Still, we’ve heard some rumors about a new Khan running around the far east. Whatever! I mean, we pretty much eat Tengri horse archers for lunch at this point. I wonder how the Khan of Crimea’s doing? Besides “not ruling Crimea”, anyway.
Let’s just file this under “who cares” for now.
To the Black Chamber—
Rumors we’ve seen come down the Silk Road were all true. China in flames. Asia in chaos. War coming west.
Initial projections indicate Seljuks will take the brunt of any Mongol advance; might be advantageous in the short term.
But— I don’t want to share a border with them. Black Chamber should be on top of it if that seems likely.
To the Senate—
Hey, we won the war against the Seljuks! I’m told the resulting border settlement is inelegant. But if you ask me, purple’s a pretty color in any shape.
To the Black Chamber—
Urgent request for progress on the assassination of Sultan Iskender. The Seljuks won’t be this weak for long.
To the Senate—
So, yeah. We’re having another civil war. Those douxes, huh? Don’t you wish we could just… I don’t know… kill them all, or something? Just blue-skying here!
Of course the Merchant Republic of Belgorod’s rebelling too. I know some people here just want to make everything merchant republics! Well, they’re jerks too.
Douxes are pretty much the worst though. Never changes with those guys, huh?
To the Black Chamber—
Dokessa of Ryazan becoming increasingly unmanageable. Background: Ryazan a Byzantine exclave to the far north, on the eastern border of Kiev. Premyslava cannot simply be cut loose, however— in addition to holding the theme of Moesia, several counties of Greece have become attached to the Ryazan title. Ryazan title governed by crow laws of Kiev; cannot simply be revoked under Iouliana’s reforms. Archaic.
Don’t have a solution yet. Will think of something eventually.
War itself should be trivial. Won’t need to worry about Seljuk interference; the Ilkhanate has arrive on their western frontier.
To the Senate—
So, there’s two kinds of civil wars. There’s the kind that tears the empire about for years and probably kills an emperor or two in the process before we win and put everyone in jail. And then there’s the kind we win without even really trying! And then put everyone in jail.
Guess which kind this one was?
Anyway, I was going to revoke the theme of Moesia, but I guess the Ecumenical Patriarch himself beat us to the punch! Good for him! Our army’s pretty tired from marching all the way to Jerusalem and back anyway.
To the Black Chamber—
Latest dispatches from East— Persia has fallen to the Ilkhanate. Seljuk Empire still formidable. Iskender the Magnanimous still alive, still in power.
Why? Remember who you are. Remember what your job is.
To the Senate—
Hey, remember how you guys wanted us to conquer Venice? Remember how I said we’d need to lay some groundwork for that? Well, we’re going to go ahead and start conquering a bunch of Croatia. Hope you’re cool with that!
To the Black Chamber—
Renewed crusades have restored the city of Jerusalem to the Genoese crusader republic. Don’t expect it to last. Seljuks drained by wars with Shia caliphate, Rome, Mongols. Every projection still indicates Genoan dominion over the Levant is unsustainable in long term.
To the Senate—
Hey, guess who’s a vassal of the king of Croatia! And here I thought we’d run out of Bulgarias to fight. Looks like the duchy of Bulgaria is alive and kicking! But its armies weren’t for very long. Sorry, Bulgaria!
The main Croatian army has lasted a bit longer by adopting the advanced strategy of “running away as fast as they can”. Pretty sure that’s not gonna turn out super great for them. I mean, just a hunch!
To the Black Chamber—
Urge haste from General Leontios. Sicily has entered the war; presumably they sensed that our expansion into Croatia is merely a stepping stone to Italy.
I assume their troops are en route. We need to defeat the Croatians in the field before they arrive.
To the Senate—
Great news! We won the war! Croatia isn’t too scary is it? Hey, some advice for the next war, King Vukan— try having like thirty thousand dudes in your army! That’s what we did, and it worked out pretty swell.
Anyway, I think it’s high time those merchant republics started paying their own way! We’ve given them a break in terms of their levies, so maybe they should, like, pay taxes? Just a thought!
To the Black Chamber—
Iskender the Magnanimous still alive. Gravely disappointed in Black Chamber. Iskender also survived latest Seljuk civil war unscathed.
Pleased at news of renewed hostilities between Ilkhanate and Iskender; however, the Ilkhanate has turned north rather than plunging deeper into Seljuk heartland. Casualties will be damaging to Seljuks in short term; however in the long term I project this will have little to no effect on Seljuk power.
To the Senate—
Do you like books? I like books. They’re filled with great ideas to improve the empire! I especially like books from ancient Greece and Rome since I feel like they ran a pretty tight ship empire-wise. But there are also lots of new books being written in Constantinople about new ways to run an empire! I like the parts where there any douxes.
What’s your favorite book?
I like Alexander the Great a lot because he conquered pretty much the entire world. Of course, then he went and died. Meanwhile Augustus pretty much just conquered Egypt since the Republic had already conquered the rest of the Mediterranean before he was born, but then he built a regime so strong it managed to survive the rest of the Julio-Claudians! So, Augustus 1, Alexander 0.
I also like boys a lot! That’s another thing I have in common with the ancient Greeks and Romans. Liking boys.
I also like unchallenged domination over the entire Mediterranean world! In conclusion, Rome was a land of contrasts.
The Croatians went and overthrew their king! The joke’s on them, though, since that means we can throw the truce we signed with Vukan in the trash and go to war with them again!
“FitzKlaudija” is a pretty weird name for a Croatian.
It’s too bad we only have casus belli to claim Croatia one county at a time. But whatever, it’s not like we’re fighting the Seljuks here— I haven’t even halted building projects in the capital to finance the war. That’s how little I care.
To the Black Chamber—
Venice unconcerned with Roman advance up the Adriatic. They dominate trade in Croatia, they dominate trade along the Adriatic coat of Greece. The border between the two shifting doesn’t affect Venetian trading posts, they think.
They’ll get theirs, eventually.
A second Mongol army is advancing west. Once again, stay on top of this.
To the Senate—
So I’ve had to go and revoke the theme of Nikaea from Doux Philippos II Komnenos. I know everyone loves revoking things! But maybe the True Religion’s Advocates aren’t super thrilled about us revoking a theme from a Catholic vassal? Or maybe the Komnenians would rather we not throw a Komnenoi out in favor of some rando?
So I’d just like to say I didn’t revoke the theme from him for either of those reasons! I did it because he hates me and is plotting against me and those aren’t really qualities I like to encourage in my vassals. Or anyone, really.
To the Black Chamber—
The Logothete of Cilicia is attempting to fabricate a claim on my title. Admire the optimism of Cilicia trying to lay claim to the Roman Empire, anyway.
Still: kill her.
To the Senate—
Progress marches on! Or, if you’re an Old Roman, progress marches… backwards? Anyway, everyone loves building things.
Everyone also loves revoking themes from doukessas we don’t like.
Anyway, it’s 1230, and since Croatia’s managed to avoid deposing their king all this time so our last treaty stayed in force, that means it’s time to invade them again!
To the Senate—
Anyway, it’s 1231, which means it’s time for Croatian resistance to have collapsed entirely and them to surrender to us!
I could tell you how the war went but it’s super boring. Like a billion Romans swarmed into Croatia and killed a bunch of Croatian and Bulgarian soldiers. Just read about the last time we did that! It’s pretty much the same.
To the Black Chamber—
Good news: The Ilkhanate has continued to expand at the Seljuk Empire’s expense. Bad news: Rather than stabbing deep into the Seljuk heartland, they’re moving into the resource-poor provinces of the northeast.
Iskender remains in power. Likely the constant threat of Mongol encroachment makes him a unifying figure.
Still, Seljuks in a state of temporary weakness. We will go to war with them very soon.
Meanwhile, preparations continue for our next war in the West; perhaps the whole Roman Empire is Janus. I have dispatched my chancellor, Violante di Beirut, to Venice. I trust the Black Chamber will allow no harm to come to her as she works to undermine the doge’s grip on that sinking city.
To the Senate—
So, hey! I heard you were all pretty big fans of restoring the Pentarch of Antioch! This will give us sort of a weird looking non-contiguous Antiochan exclave. But after we win this war I’m sure we’ll think of something to do about that. But I really think this is the best time to move forward on the Roman East Directive. It’s not every day like half the Seljuk army gets killed by Mongols over a few provinces of desolate northern wasteland!
To the Black Chamber—
Up until now, I have largely led wars from Constantinople. Now, however, I am obliged to fight on the frontlines— the Komnenoi are a line of warrior emperors and empresses. I do not wish to go down in history as the craven exception to this rule.
The Komnenoi are also a line of emperors and empresses who have never lived past the age of fifty.
And it was only the Gonorrhea once or twice.
Should the worst happen— Princess Valeria is already an adult with a daughter of our own. There will be no regency. The succession is safe.
She’ll still need your help.
I trust you know what to do.
Euphrosyne Komnene
Empress of Rome
1231
World Map, 1231:
(France is having a civil war. The HRE actually looks like that.)
Assassination Scorecard:
Tsars Killed: 2
Sultans Killed: 4
Nosy Chancellors Killed: 2
OOC: For some reason, Project Balance makes it impossible to forge claims on the capitals of Merchant Republics. Allegedly, we would have been able to declare imperial conquest on Venice after conquering other huge swaths of territory. Instead, I just edited PB to let us start fabricating our claim since that’s how it would have worked in vanilla, and that seemed more in keeping with the spirit of what the Senate voted for than using the eventual goal of conquering Venice as pretext to spend the next century or so conquering the rest of Italy.
Also I sure wish there were a way to forbid your ruler from leading armies, since it’s easy to miss it if they’re not leading a flank.